


Just My Imagination

by DancesWithCybermen



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, F/M, Post-Movie: The X-Files: I Want To Believe (2008), The Unremarkable House (X-Files)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:26:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23834581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DancesWithCybermen/pseuds/DancesWithCybermen
Summary: For Cecilia, who wanted an IWTB-era fic where Scully is asked to babysit her co-worker's son, who is roughly the same age as William would be. As she and Mulder watch him, they get a taste of what her domestic life could have been if they still had William.I hope this is angsty enough, and that you enjoy it!
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Comments: 14
Kudos: 62
Collections: X-Files Angst Fanfic Exchange (2020)





	Just My Imagination

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alienqueequeg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alienqueequeg/gifts).



> Song pairing: The Temptations, "Just My Imagination"  
> https://youtu.be/M5Z9-QCmZyw

_Soon we'll be married and raise a family (Oh yeah)  
A cozy little home out in the country with two children maybe three.  
I tell you I can visualize it all   
this couldn't be a dream for too real it all seems;  
But it was Just my imagination once again runnin' way with me.  
Tell you it was just my imagination runnin' away with me._

  
~~ The Temptations, "Just My Imagination"

**Our Lady of Sorrows Hospital, May 2008**

“Dr. Scully?”

“Oh, come in, Edie.” Scully was just getting ready to leave for the evening when the young nurse showed up at her office door. She liked Edie. She was a single mom and a hard worker who was just as devoted to her job as she was to her eight-year-old son, Nate. Nate was on the autism spectrum and was frequently bullied in school, but he was a great kid. Edie was doing an excellent job with him, especially since she had no family support.

Edie opened her mouth as if to say something, then stopped and shook her head. “You know what, Dr. Scully? Don’t worry about it.” She turned to leave, looking worried.

“No, Edie. What’s wrong?”

Edie turned back to Scully. “It’s Nate.” Seeing Scully’s face fall, Edie quickly added, “No, he’s okay. It’s just that Mark and I were planning to go away for the weekend, you know, just the two of us, and my sitter had to cancel. Her own son is really sick. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to leave Nate with just anyone. Do you know anyone who’s reliable and equipped to deal with his issues? A lot of people get frustrated with him.”

Scully frowned. Edie had been seeing Mark, one of the hospital’s respiratory therapists, for about six months; it was her first serious relationship since Nate’s birthfather had taken off when the boy was only a few months old. Scully knew about the trip; Mark had confided in her that he was going to use the occasion to propose to Edie. She couldn’t miss this trip, but it was Thursday night. The chances of her finding a sitter for the entire weekend on such short notice were somewhere between slim, none, and nothing.

“Mulder and I could watch him for you.” The words left Scully’s mouth before she realized what she was promising.

Edie beamed. “Really, Dr. Scully? You’re sure it wouldn’t be too much?”

Scully shook her head. “Of course not. Go on your trip. You deserve it, and we have the room.”

**The Unremarkable House, Friday evening**

Nate had a loud voice, a loud, boisterous laugh, and, to Mulder’s delight, a keen interest in baseball. He knew at least as much about the sport and its history as Mulder did. His incessant chatter and obsession with everything baseball were among the “issues” Edie had spoken of.

Of course, Mulder didn’t see these things as issues. He saw a Mini-Me and took to Nate immediately. Scully had been relieved that Mulder had been so open to this whole babysitting thing. Being as she hadn’t asked him first, he’d have had every reason to object, but he’d had no problem with them helping out her friend. 

As she waited for the frozen pizza to cook, Scully looked out the window and watched the man and the boy toss a ball back and forth as they discussed different MLB teams’ prospects that year. 

Things had been a lot better between her and Mulder since they’d worked on the Bannan case earlier that year. Now that Mulder didn’t have to hide out in the house anymore, they’d started going out and doing things. Before, she wouldn’t have dreamed of inviting anyone to the house, let alone doing weekend babysitting for a coworker.

Actually, she wouldn’t have dreamed of offering to babysit for anyone.

Despite having worked through many of their issues, William remained the elephant in the room. Their lost son was the one subject she and Mulder simply never talked about, not ever. They never talked about having more children, period, even though Scully very much wanted another child, and she suspected that Mulder did, too. 

She’d quietly started taking birth control pills after William’s birth and had continued with them since. Allegedly, she didn’t need to take them, but she didn’t want to risk another surprise pregnancy.

Still, as she watched Mulder play with Nate, she felt a tug on her heart. No, no, NO. Scully shook her head, trying to clear it of those thoughts. If she and Mulder couldn’t talk about William without shutting down emotionally, they had zero business having a second child. She knew that, she knew that, she knew that.

Thankfully, the oven alarm went off, interrupting her train of thought. “Pizza’s ready!” she yelled out the window.

**Later**

After dinner, Mulder and Nate settled in front of the TV to watch a Yankees game while Scully sat at the kitchen table, looking over some patient files she’d brought home. A lot of adults tired of Nate’s incessant chatter, but Mulder matched the boy’s energy and enthusiasm; Scully found herself drifting away from her files to watch them interact.

Mulder would have been a great father, if only she hadn’t robbed him of the chance to parent his son.

Nate finally tired out and fell asleep during the post-game show, and Mulder gently picked the boy up and carried him to the spare bedroom, which they’d tidied up in anticipation of Nate’s arrival. After tucking him in for the night and shutting off the light, they retired to their own room. After lying down, Scully felt Mulder’s arms encircle her, and he softly kissed her neck.

“Nate’s a great kid,” he said. “I’m glad he’s staying with us for the weekend. I thought you said he had emotional problems?”

“Well, he’s on the autism spectrum,” Scully explained. “That’s why he’s so loud, and why he gets obsessive over the things he’s interested in. Once he latches onto a subject, he’ll learn everything he can about it, and once he starts talking about something, he doesn’t stop.”

Mulder chuckled. “And all of that is a problem because…?”

Scully turned around so that she was facing him, and they kissed. “Well, he’s socially awkward. He doesn’t know how to get along with the other kids at school. He gets bullied a lot.”

“Hmmmm. I didn’t get along with anyone at the Bureau, but you liked me.” They kissed again, then Scully nuzzled Mulder’s neck. “I saw you watching us while we were watching the game, Scully. You looked sad.” Mulder felt her stiffen, and he realized he’d just ventured into verboten territory. It happened every time he even hinted at anything involving William.

“I’m fine, Mulder.” She turned to face away from him but didn’t leave his arms. “It’s been a long day, and I’m just tired, that’s all.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He kissed the top of her head. “I love you.”

Scully blinked back tears. She turned to face him again. “No Mulder, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one who’s sorry. Watching you with Nate … He’s the same age as William.”

Mulder caressed her cheek. “I know.”

“I gave away our son. I took away your chance to play catch and watch baseball games with your son. I took that all away from you.” Scully began to cry, and Mulder pulled her against him.

  
“No, Scully. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were in an impossible situation. I put you in an impossible situation. If I could have done it all over again, I wouldn’t have left without you and William.” He tilted up her chin so that she was looking directly at him. “I should never have left unless I could have taken all three of us. Fuck that; I shouldn’t have gone to Oregon in the first place. For what? The truth? What truth? Looking for the fucking truth cost me my family.”

Now Mulder was in tears, too. For a long time, they just held each other, cried softly, and whispered apologies back and forth, careful not to wake the boy down the hall.

  
  


**Saturday afternoon**

Mulder stood up from his computer and stretched. He still spent too much time on internet message boards, reading about 2012, though at this point, he was becoming more and more convinced the whole thing was going to be as much of a bust as Y2K.

Nate was playing outside, chattering away to himself, while Scully did some work in the garden. Gardening relaxed her. Mulder walked up to the boy. “Whatcha doin’, Nate?”

Nate pointed to his left. “Playing with Lee.”

Mulder nodded. Scully had told him that among Nate’s quirks was a penchant for coming up with imaginary friends, likely because he didn’t have any real ones. This poor kid. “Do you think he might want to throw around the ball with us?”

Nate rolled his eyes. “Lee’s a girl, silly!”

“Ohhh, I see.” Mulder waggled his eyebrows. “So she’s your girlfriend?”

“Ewwww, no! Girls are yucky!” Nate made a gagging noise, and Mulder laughed.

“If girls are yucky, then why do you hang around with Lee?”

“Lee’s not a _girl_ girl. She hasn’t been born yet.”

Now that, Mulder hadn’t expected. “What do you mean, she hasn’t been born yet?”

“She’s waiting to be born.”

Mulder’s interest was piqued. He looked over at Scully. She was still gardening, oblivious to their conversation. “Do you know when Lee will be born?”

Nate looked at the empty space beside him again, then back to Mulder. “She can’t say. That’s against the rules. Can we play catch? You said we could when you were done working.”

Nate’s calm, matter-of-fact answers unnerved Mulder. He wanted to question the child more, but he also didn’t want to push the subject if the boy wasn’t receptive to talking about it. “Sure, let’s go get your glove,” Mulder said, ushering him towards the house. He looked back at the empty space, not seeing anything but under the distinct impression that he was being watched.

**Later that night**

“Mulder, this is not an X-File! This is a child whose mother entrusted him to our care for the weekend!” Scully was exasperated, but she tried to keep her voice down so as not to wake Nate. “You will not turn my co-worker’s son into an X-File!”

“I’m just saying,” Mulder said, his voice muffled by the toothbrush in his mouth. He spat and rinsed his mouth. “What if Nate’s imaginary friends aren’t so imaginary?”

Scully put her face in her hands. “Mulder…”

“In general, Christianity denies the concept of pre-existence, but Ancient Greek thought and Islam affirm it.” He started flossing his teeth, continuing his speech in between flosses. “The Baha'i Writings say that the souls of the world’s greatest spiritual teachers are pre-existent. The LDS Church believes in a premortal existence where souls undergo a learning process before entering a physical body and being born on Earth. Islam teaches that all souls were created in adult form at the same time that God created the father of mankind.”

“Mulder, no. Nate is just a lonely boy with an extremely overactive imagination. He’s only eight. It’s completely normal for children his age to have imaginary friends, and especially children like Nate. He doesn’t have any friends in school, so of course he’d create friends to feel better about his situation. Adults engage in all sorts of mental gymnastics to make themselves feel better about negative situations.” Like you and I with our lost son, she thought but didn’t add. When they’d gotten up that morning, they hadn’t spoken of their conversation the night before. They never did, because then, they might actually resolve something, and they couldn’t have that…

“Plato believed that before being born, humans exist in a perfect world where we know everything,” Mulder continued as he put on his pajama pants, running right over her. “But all of that knowledge is subdued at birth, so we have to relearn it. Therefore, when we attain knowledge, we’re not acquiring new information, just remembering what we learned previously.”

Scully couldn’t resist a smile. No wonder Scully felt she was equipped to handle Nate. She’d been handling the adult version of Nate for years. Would William have obsessively pursued his interests, like Mulder, or would he have inherited her own quiet determination? Would he have gotten a bit of both? 

She wondered if Mulder was going through his own mental gymnastics, desperately trying to find an X-File where one didn’t exist so he didn’t have to think about the elephant in the room, that having a child in the house was giving them a taste of the life they could have had, would have had, did have until they allowed it to slip out of their grasp.

  
  


**Sunday evening**

Edie and Mark arrived to pick up her son and share their good news. As Mulder and Scully congratulated his mother and soon-to-be stepfather, Nate slipped away to say goodbye to Lee.

He knew the adults and other kids couldn’t see his friends. He couldn’t see them that well, either. Their features were vague, cast in shadows, like characters in a dream. He felt their presence more than he saw them. He got the sense that Lee was picking flowers when he found her under the large tree she liked climbing so much.

“My mom’s here. I’ve got to go,” Nate told the girl. “She’s gonna marry Mark, like you said she would.”

“He’ll be a good dad to you, a lot better than your other dad,” Lee told him.

“Mr. Mulder is sad that he can’t be a dad,” Nate said. “He tries to hide it, but I can tell, and Dr. Dana is sad that she can’t be a mom.”

“They will be a mom and dad again, but they’ll have to wait a while. I need to leave now, too. I want you to give them something for me. Hand them to Mr. Mulder. He believes.” Lee pressed something into Nate’s hand. This is different, he thought. None of the weird shadow kids had ever given him anything before. As Lee pulled her hand away, her gift came into focus. It was a sweetly scented sprig of small, bell-shaped white flowers. “Tell them I said to be patient.”

“Wait! Where are you going?”

“It’s not time for me to be here. I’ll be back, but it’s going to be a while,” she said, “and my name will be a little different.” Before Nate could say anything else, Lee jumped onto the tree, then vanished.

He heard his mother calling for him. Carefully clasping the delicate flowers, he headed toward the house.

**********************

“Are you ready to go, Nate? We’ve got your stuff in the car.” Edie said as her son approached. She eyed the flowers in his hand. “What are those?”

“They’re from Lee. She said to give them to Mr. Mulder.”

“Lee?”

“Lee was Nate’s imaginary friend while he was visiting us,” Scully explained, and Edie and Mark smiled and nodded. “Why did Lee tell you to give them to Mulder, Nate?”

“She said he believes. Oh, and she said to tell both of you to be patient.”

“What?” Mulder asked. “What do you mean, be patient?”

Nate shrugged. “I dunno. She just said to tell you that.”

Edie laughed nervously. “I’m sorry. It’s his imagination. He makes up these little stories--”

“No, it’s okay, Edie. We loved having Nate here. He’s a sweet boy.”

After the family left, Mulder took a better look at the flowers in his hand. He didn’t recognize them from Scully’s garden. “What are these, Scully? Something new you planted?”

“No, and I didn’t even know we had these on the property.” She took the sprig from him and sniffed the flowers. “It’s called lily of the valley. It grows in the shade. Maybe he found it under that tree he liked.”

Something about Lee, the flowers, and Nate’s collection of imaginary friends didn’t sit well with Mulder. He knew there was more to all of this, but he also knew he had no way of finding out what. As he followed Scully back into the house, he had a sense of being watched. As he turned and looked in the direction of the tree where Nate played with his friend, he thought he saw something, a momentary flash of a child-size figure whose features were in shadows. 

Before the image vanished, he was able to make out only one thing for certain; the child had red hair.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope the end reveal, that "Lee" was future Lily Mulder, was a surprise and not patently obvious all the way through. LOL The story was developed backwards; I knew I wanted to do something where the son had an imaginary friend that turned out to be Lily in the end. I built the rest of the story around that ending.


End file.
